Good One

Here is a conversation I had with an old (very old- white hair old) man today at work.

Elderly Genuis: So are you going to school up here?

Me: Yea, I start again in the fall.

Elderly Genius: What's your major?

Me: I'm undeclared right now. I'm not sure.

Elderly Genius: You could always major in modeling.

Me: Umm, I'm pretty sure that's not a major.

Elderly Genius: Well you have the looks for it.

Me: .... Thanks.

Then I left and shelved audiobooks and felt weird inside.

Bill: Part 1

Bill is an old(er) man who might as well be an employee at Hastings because he is there more than I am. I am fairly positive he comes in every day. He knows every employee and hangs out in the cafe a lot. He is almost always there when I am (in the evening); it is a rare day when I don't talk to Bill. Bill is a really big tall guy. He isn't fat, but he has gone slightly to seed. He has longish gray hair that's curly and he's balding slightly. He wears jeans and sweatshirts or t-shirts, and he is hilarious. I really wish I was brave enough to ask how old he is.

So I really don't know much of his back story or why he comes into Hastings every day. I think he is mostly lonely; he isn't married and I don't know if he has ever been or if he has children. He has never mentioned any. I don't know his whole story but I do know parts, and what I know is hilarious.

Bill used to be a jewelry courier and would travel up and down the northern half of Utah delivering jewelry to malls, jewelry stores, pawn shops, etc. As you can imagine, this was a very adventurous and slightly dangerous job. Apparently he carried up to three million dollars worth of jewelry at one time with his only precaution being a gun. A revolver in fact. This was in the eighties, but that still all blows my mind. It is entirely possible he is making this all up. I am inclined to believe him, but I am possibly very gullible. You can choose for yourself.

So Bill used to deliver to the same building where Mark Hofmann (if you don't know who that is look it up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Hofmann) worked and used to see him all the time. He says he never really talked to him besides in passing, and he said he always seemed very crazy in the conversations that he had with him (that was paraphrased for our younger audiences). Bill saw Mark Hofmann the day the bombing happened, and he was driving away from the building when the bombs went off. In his words, he "was a knat's a** away from being blown up," when he heard the boom he floored it, and there was damage done to his car.

I wish I had a picture of Bill to post, but I don't. I won't take a stalker picture because if I was caught it would be the most awkward moment of my life. I even googled old men to see if I could find a picture of someone who resembles him, but I couldn't. My apologies.

Confessions: Part 2

So I've decided that "Confessions" is probably a bad title for these series of posts. I should have named them "look at how super weird/silly/self-centered I am" and "look at how super weird/silly/self-centered I am: Part 2", or maybe "random facts that probably aren't very unique but true nonetheless" and "random facts that probably aren't very unique but true nonetheless: Part 2". However, this fact didn't hit me until today and so I am sticking with the unoriginal and probably only partially true title "Confessions" for consistency and continuity, hence the title of this post "Confessions: Part 2". So here I go again, mostly because my memory constantly fails me and there is always more I forget to say.

-I really like feet, and I think my feet are really cute. Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

-I also think pictures of feet are really cliche and sometimes mock them. However, I've obviously taken some and I think they can be cute. This is just one more way I can be very hypocritical.

-I break phones very often. I have dropped two in the toilet (don't ask), and the other two or three just wore out or decided they didn't like me anymore or maybe I dropped them one too many times... Whatever the reason, I just really suck at caring for my technology.

-I love working with married men. I know that sounds creepy and awful, but my reasoning isn't. I like working with married men because it is like working with girls, but they are guys so they aren't ridiculous like girls can be. They are way cool and chill, but you don't have to worry about talking to them too much or saying the wrong thing and giving them the wrong idea. You never ever have to worry about them asking you on a date (unless you work with awful married men) or anything weird like that happening. You can just be yourself, joke around, have fun, then send them all home to their wives. It just makes life so much simpler.

-I use guy razors because they are better. Yep, I am a sexist pig.

-I am a crybaby. I cry all the time over lots of things. It is very pathetic, but it's just how I have always been. I am also a sympathetic crier, so if someone else cries I cry. This can make church and girl's camp very difficult.

-I love Katy Perry. So much. I really like her music and I think she is the most gorgeous woman on the planet. Also, I love her E.T. music video. It is so weird. But really good. Here it is, please ignore Kanye West because he is gross, also the naked boy bum at the very end. That isn't why I like it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5Sd5c4o9UM

-Bishop Allen's song News From Your Bed may be my favorite song, and I feel like it's my song sometimes. I don't always think that in a bad or negative way (it is kind of a sad song), although a lot of the time when I feel like it's my theme song I am feeling sorry for myself. But it is really good and I really love it. Here it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw4AmQSFKLU&feature=related

-I want laser hair removal. That would be the nicest thing ever.

-I am kind of spoiled and high maintenance, and I like it when people spoil me. I love getting presents.

-I also love giving presents, and I always have things picked out and bought months in advance. For example, my sister's birthday is July 2 and I purchased her present last week.

A Marketing Scheme

At work I have noticed new covers on some of the old classic novels. Some are weird and comic-like and others are just very strange, and at first I didn't like either of them much at all. However, the very strange ones have grown on me and I am so tempted to buy them all, even though I already own many of the books. Bill (a hilarious customer that I will be doing a feature on later) says it's a marketing scheme to sell the old classics to a younger generation. I am being targeted, and it is working. I still think the comic ones are lame, but here are some of the ones that I love: